This is Goodbye
by Ibbly5
Summary: Beca and Chloe are best friends, but following a revelation there friendship is forced to come to a sad end. Has Chloe really really messed it up or...? Oneshot


Chloe's head banged against her bedroom door as she sank to the ground. She put her head on her knees, taking a deep breath, the nighttime darkness filling her spinning mind. Fuck.

It was nine pm and Beca had just left Chloe, more of a mess than usual. The images of the interaction was swimming in the front of her mind and she couldn't shake the crippling guilt. Because she knew exactly what she had done.

* * *

_**"Beca, I like you," Chloe began.**_

_**They were sat on Chloe's sofa, Beca, dressed casually in a sweater and jeans, her denim blue eyes wide and expectant. Chloe had always seen her as closed up, hard-faced and emotionless...but now? She was about as open and emotional as anyone ever could be. **_

_**"Yeah?" Beca's voice was a little timid.**_

_**It was eight pm and Beca had just come round. And bravely confessed to Chloe just how she felt about her. **_

_**"I'm not going to date you," Chloe said steadily.**_

_**Beca's face didn't change for a moment. Then she frowned, crossing her arms defensively, like she was going through some physical pain. She was; it was intense.**_

_**"Why?" she asked weakly.**_

_**"I just can't," Chloe shrugged. "I'm in my senior year, in a week I'll be leaving to go intern in a real hospital, getting my own place...I don't want a relationship."**_

_**Beca's mouth just hung open a little.**_

_**Chloe felt incredibly bad but it was the truth.**_

_**"Am I not worth even trying?" it was an intimate question, and Chloe could feel the raw emotion behind it.**_

_**She shook her head. **_

_**This tipped Beca over the edge and she choked up.**_

_**"I guess I'll see you around then," Beca got up and left before Chloe could tell her she was sorry.**_

_**Chloe just sat there for a moment before she realised just what she had done to the girl.**_

* * *

It was an uneasy night but the next day came and Chloe didn't see Beca at all- apparently no-one had. Chloe went to class, to lunch with Aubrey and Stacie, but when rehearsal came Beca was nowhere to be found. Fuck.

In a way she knew exactly how Beca felt. She should've seen the signs but she chose to ignore them and to believe that Beca really was the person she pretended to be. But Chloe wasn't stupid. She thought back to the first time she noticed.

* * *

_**"Hey Chlo'."**_

_**Chloe was sat on the quad working on some paper and Beca had just sat down next to her. She was wearing black jeans and a red shirt and the way she was pulling at her sleeves made her seem almost nervous. This was the first time Beca had initiated any conversation between them.**_

_**"You just called me Chlo'," Chloe smirked at the younger girl. Beca blushed and it was adorable.**_

_**"Sorry," Beca said. She wasn't being sarcastic for once which seemed incredibly weird to Chloe.**_

_**"It's okay. So what's up?" Chloe's voice was light. She was enjoying this interaction already.**_

_**"Uh, you wanna hang out tonight?" Beca asked a little shyly.**_

_**Chloe looked at her phone teasingly as if she was checking her schedule.**_

_**"Hmm, let me get back to you," Chloe pretended to be serious.**_

_**Beca's face fell, she looked like she really fucking believed her.**_

_**"Bec! I'm joking!" Chloe laughed, pushing her shoulder.**_

_**Beca coughed seriously.**_

_**"Yeah, I know," she tried to play it off, but broke out into a grin.**_

_**"No you didn't," Chloe said. "Bec you're being fucking adorable right now."**_

_**Chloe beamed at her small friend and Beca just looked away bashfully.**_

_**"Shut up, I'm not."**_

_**"Yeah y'are."**_

* * *

Chloe knew that this had been weird behaviour from Beca. This was the first time that Beca had expressed any actual interest in their friendship- previously she'd just ignored Chloe's attempts at being her friend, she'd just give her some sarcastic comment, roll her eyes and walk off. But then in March Beca came over and decided to start talking to her. They started hanging out all the time.

Chloe knew how flirty they were with each other but she never thought anything of it. She thought Beca was beautiful and loved teasing her so much. But. Chloe wasn't interested in dating her.

At five pm, Chloe headed home from rehearsal. She considered texting Beca, but felt far too guilty. Fuck. Last night played over again in her head.

* * *

_**"Hey, Chloe, I should say something, I, uh, I've been thinking it over for a while now," Beca said, sitting down on Chloe's sofa, letting her apartment door shut on its own.**_

_**"Sure."**_

_**Chloe smiled a little falsely, butterflies in her stomach, wondering if Beca was really about to say what she was expecting.**_

_**"Chlo'..."**_

_**"Mhmm?"**_

_**"I...I like you," Beca took a deep breath. "I like you a lot. I know you think I'm this closed-off person...but you...I...I've never felt close to anyone like I have to you. And I always deny myself of like all feelings. But I don't want to with you. I want you. I want you Chloe."**_

* * *

Chloe knew how fucking hard that must've been for her to say. And she just completely shot her down. No wonder Beca was taking it hard.

So. Chloe did like Beca. A lot. She liked Beca's dark blue eyes and her dainty hands, the way she always wore a little too much eyeliner. She liked how over time Beca had gone from blushing every time Chloe got close to her to actually hugging her all the time. Chloe liked how she was the only one that knew just how much of a dork Beca was. And whenever Chloe was upset, Beca was always the first person there, holding her hand in a way that felt like their hands were made to entwine with each other. She made her feel safe.

But Chloe wasn't going to give up her future to risk it all with Beca. She couldn't.

* * *

_**"Beca, I'm so wasted," Chloe giggled. **_

_**"You're so gorgeous," Beca growled.**_

_**Beca pushed her best friend up against Stacie's bedroom door, her lips ghosting over Chloe's, their alcohol breath mingling together to the sound of pumping bass and laughter in the living room.**_

_**"I like it when you're drunk," Chloe said quietly. **_

_**Beca was silent for a moment, one of her hands cupping Chloe's cheek softly.**_

_**"Kiss me."**_

_**Chloe looked in her navy blue eyes then did as she was told, leaning in and capturing Beca in a soft kiss. They were drunk but it was sincere, Beca's hands in Chloe's hair were gentle and Chloe could tell exactly how she felt. Her hands unconsciously fell to Beca's tiny waist, pulling her closer, fuck, they both knew they were attracted to one another, but even in her hazy state Chloe's mind was exploding at the fact that this was really happening. Beca's tongue easily slid into her mouth and Chloe was feel the kiss building, hyperactive butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. One of Beca's hands slid down to Chloe's chest and they broke off. Beca just looked at her lustfully, and Chloe pulled her onto the bed barely thinking of the consequences.**_

* * *

Chloe did remember that night, pretty vividly to be honest, regardless of what she told Beca about being drunk and not remembering a thing. They agreed neither of them remembered because they didn't want to 'jeopardise their friendship'. But really it was because they both were too afraid to put their real feelings on show. It had been two months since this drunken night.

Chloe lay back on her bed, and picked up her laptop. Before long she was flicking through photos on her facebook page, photos of Beca and herself. Some of them- the way Beca looked at her when she didn't realise the photo was being taken...like she was the most amazing thing in the whole entire world.

Then she scrolled down further to see an old photo of herself and Tom Gregory. She thought back to that particular day and their relationship...And she figured that was where everything all went wrong in her life.

* * *

**_"Hey," Tom greeted her as she walked round the corner._**

**_"Hi."_**

**_He hugged her and he smelt amazing; they were in the park and Chloe felt a little nervous, since this was the first time they'd met up alone together. God he was gorgeous. He was wearing dark blue jeans, vans sk8 hi-tops, a red shirt and that old black jacket Chloe thought was so cool. _**

**_"How you doin'?" Tom asked, looking in her eyes directly. His eyes were grey and rather beautiful- she'd never noticed that before._**

**_"I'm good, how're you?" Chloe asked. There were literally butterflies in her stomach._**

**_"Great," he smirked at her. "You know, you're a lot louder when you're drunk."_**

**_"Sorry," Chloe joked, blushing when their hands accidentally brushed together. "Oh yeah, we've only ever met at parties."_**

**_"Yeah. This is a first."_**

**_"Yeah," Chloe said simply._**

**_They were walking down the park path, it was getting darker and Chloe was a little chilly._**

**_"You want me to get you a drink?" Tom asked as they walked past an ice cream van._**

**_"Sure."_**

**_They spent the whole evening talking and it became a lot less awkward. Chloe liked him a lot. She hadn't dated many people before, but she already felt herself wanting to be with him, forever. Was that sad? She didn't care. She was definitely falling for him._**

**_"Chloe, I..." he began. It was dark and starry now and Tom was looking at her like she was the best thing in the world. "You're beautiful."_**

**_Chloe was speechless and felt like she might die of happiness when he lent in and kissed her like she was the most amazing thing in the whole world. Tom was really something. _**

* * *

She later found out what something he actually was; a fucking piece of shit. He dated her for six months, telling her he didn't mind waiting for her until she was ready to sleep with him, but secretly fucking other girls at the same time because he had 'needs'. Chloe had allowed herself to fall for him so much and he just destroyed her. After that, Chloe decided to never ever have feelings ever again and to just fulfil her own life. Because people were not fucking worth it.

She fell asleep that night dreaming of Beca...She missed her; they hadn't even texted. It was weird; normally Beca would text her goodnight everyday. But Chloe had no right to complain because it was her own fault and she knew it.

The next day arrived and Beca began to seriously worry about where Beca had gone; she wasn't in rehearsal, she wasn't anywhere. The things was, Chloe left to become an intern doctor in five days and she desperately didn't want to leave her best friend on bad terms, that would be awful. She might've been being selfish, but she didn't want Beca out of her life. She couldn't possibly deal with her out of her life.

As Chloe sat in class she flicked through a chapter in the book and it reminded her of a time when Beca had showed her just how much she really cared.

* * *

_**"Hey ginger, what's going on? I'm actually glad you're here, I'm in the mood for some ginger beer, you got any?" Beca joked, sat in her dorm mixing some tracks on her laptop.**_

_**Chloe didn't say anything, and Beca turned around. **_

_**"Oh my gosh, Chlo', what's wrong?" She took her headphones off and turned to look at her teary eyed best friend as she sat next to her on Beca's bed.**_

_**Chloe shrugged and sniffed. She had a letter in her hand.**_

_**"Babe, what's this?"**_

_**Beca took the sheet out of Chloe's hand- it was from a hospital in New York. She hadn't been accepted to their internship program- Chloe had been talking about this program for the whole time Beca had known her; apparently they were doing some new research that Chloe was particularly interested in. Beca's heart broke for her.**_

_**"Chloe, it's not the end of the world, all right," Beca's voice was low and serious, and she took Chloe's hand reassuringly. "And you can try again next year or go somewhere else."**_

_**Chloe knew all this but when Beca said it it she really believed her. She found herself nodding in agreement.**_

_**"You're fucking amazing Chloe Beale and I love you if you get into this program or not, kay," Beca smiled at her best friend. **_

_**Chloe smiled.**_

_**"You wanna cry a bit?" Beca asked and Chloe nodded.**_

_**Beca wrapped an arm around her shoulders and just held her while she cried. She felt a hell of a lot better with Beca there.**_

* * *

Beca was literally the best friend Chloe had ever hand; Aubrey and her were very close sure but they didn't connect on that same level that she and Beca did. Ugh. In a way Chloe knew that Beca would make the perfect girlfriend, she'd always known that ever since they first became friends. But Chloe was messed up and she'd ruined it.

The day came to a close and Chloe still hadn't heard from Beca- none of the Bellas had. The next day she knew she had to speak to her, she was fucking worried as shit.

The next morning was Saturday, and Chloe knew Beca had a shift at the radio station so first thing she headed over, desperate to see Beca, plagued by crushing guilt again.

Chloe walked into the radio station and awkwardly knocked on the door, waiting nervously to see Beca.

"Hey Chloe," Jesse greeted her, letting her in.

"Hi, uh, is Beca here?"

She followed her into the green walled radio station room, hearing one of Beca's mixes on the radio. It had to be fucking titanium didn't it.

Jesse looked at her like she was stupid and she just stood there expectantly, waiting for him to reply.

"You really don't know?" Jesse asked incredulously.

"Clearly not..."

Chloe started to get worried...what was going on?

"She's gone Chloe," Jesse stated a little exasperatedly.

Chloe couldn't physically process his words.

"What...?"

"She moved to L.A. two days ago! She came over crying her fucking eyes out, told me she was leaving, gave me a letter then packed her bags and drove to LA!"

Jesse looked angry as fuck and Chloe felt like her whole world was crashing around her. Holy motherfucking shit.

"Why did you do that to her? You know how she felt Chloe, and I know you love her too, why couldn't you just be honest? You destroyed her, you know that?" Jesse was yelling and Chloe was choking up. "I love her okay, but she didn't want me, she wanted you, you knew it, and you ruined her, you're a fucking idiot."

Chloe held onto the table to support her. How was it possible to feel so intensely guilty and heart broken at the same time? She felt like she might collapse.

"Oh, here's your fucking letter," he spat and threw an envelope at her.

Chloe gaped at him, then left quickly, letting the door slam and hurrying out back to her car, not even bothering to wipe the tears falling from her eyes. Oh gosh.

She got into her car and just stared at the white envelope for a while. It had her name on the front in messy handwriting. The sight of Beca's handwriting sent a pang of affection for her and it hurt.

With a deep breath and shaky hands, Chloe opened the envelope and read:

**_Hey Chloe, it's Beca...So, if you're reading this then I'm in LA. Sorry I didn't tell you, but I just couldn't._**

**_Chloe, I'm not gonna lie, you are/were literally the best friend I have ever ever had. My whole life I've just been this quiet girl with a hard shell because I've always been so afraid of getting hurt. But...I trusted you instantly. I liked you the first time I met you, but when I joined the Bellas I started to like everything about you, and I decided to go against everything I've ever swore to myself. And we became friends. You made me feel normal; you made me actually like myself which is almost impossible. _**

**_Obviously that's where I messed up because you are actually normal and smart and funny and beautiful and honestly I should've realised how our friendship meant a hell of a lot less to you than it did/does/always will to me. But unfortunately I didn't see that and I fell totally in love with you. Sorry about that. I'm just pathetic I guess. The thing is though Chloe, even though I don't deserve you even as a friend, I will always care about you more than anything. It killed me whenever you were sad about anything, or when I heard about Tom, it made me die inside because I knew that I'd never be the one to make you feel better. But I'd do it. I'd fucking be there everyday. I'd give you everything I fucking could and more. Ugh, not that it matters._**

**_Look, Chloe, I love you but I understand why you did what you did. Because I'm a piece of shit. Yes, I may never love again. But. The time with you, my friendship with you, everything we went through makes my shattered heart totally worth it. I'm so sorry that this is so pathetic. _**

**_You're amazing Chloe. I couldn't be your best friend because I don't deserve you. But I want you to be happy._**

**_This is goodbye then..._**

**_Love Beca_ **

Chloe read it again and again.

She sat there in the car for hours, staring at the tear splotched paper, then dialed Beca's number.

The number had been deleted.

She really was gone.

It really was the end.

* * *

**Um drop me a review or PM with any opinions please...? Thankyou for reading. It's not a cliffhanger btw, it really is just the end.**

**cheers, from Heather**


End file.
